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Sons sue father for alleged killing of their mother at Bay Park home

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SAN DIEGO (CNS) - The adult sons of a woman who was allegedly killed by her husband at the couple's Bay Park home have filed a wrongful death lawsuit against their father.

The lawsuit was filed Friday in San Diego Superior Court on behalf of Neil and Nicholas Coates, whose 61-year-old mother, Monica Coates, died on Dec. 29, 2025.

Police and prosecutors allege her husband, Stephen Coates, crashed his pickup truck into their Dakota Drive home, then started a fire in the residence.

The Coates brothers' lawsuit states Stephen Coates lit their mother on fire, causing her death at the scene and leaving him also injured from burns.

Stephen Coates, 63, was arrested and remains jailed without bail.

Prosecutors later charged him with murder, plus special circumstance allegations of killing his wife through the infliction of torture and while in the commission of arson and mayhem. Those allegations could see him facing the death penalty or life in prison without the possibility of parole if he's convicted.

He's due back in court in July for a hearing in the criminal case.

Friday's lawsuit alleges the killing occurred "despite the existence of a restraining order and prior reports of erratic and threatening behavior."

That temporary restraining order, issued less than a month before Monica Coates' death, alleged that in the weeks leading up to November, her husband had come to believe she was "conspiring with others to kill him and his paranoia has made him erratic and makes me fear for my safety because he perceives me as someone he needs to protect himself from."

She wrote that those beliefs led him to demand to search her phone, iPad, and email accounts for apparent evidence of the conspiracy. He also asked a friend of his if he should arm himself with a shotgun for protection, she wrote.

Monica Coates eventually "fled" her home, but returned after receiving a phone call from one of their neighbors who stated things had "escalated."

Upon returning to the home, she discovered her husband "booby trapped the interior of the home with fishing line, and had bolted the front door mail slot with a metal plate," according to the restraining order request.

Psychiatric Emergency Response Team officers removed Stephen Coates from the home involuntarily and a psychiatric hold was put in place. While Stephen Coates was hospitalized, he apparently made several calls to friends in which he continued to make "claims about the false narrative," she wrote.

In her restraining order request, she wrote that her husband was released from the hospital earlier than expected, leading her to seek court intervention "because I've been told Steve still believes I am a threat."

In the documents, she also wrote that her husband had previously destroyed or damaged property and she was concerned he might "do more in (his) current mental state."

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