What Keeps Men Away From Marriage?

Carl Weisman dislikes when he is asked if he is married.

"Marriage should not be a parameter by which people are judged," says Weisman, author of "So Why Have You Never Been Married? 10 Insights Into Why He Hasn't Wed."

Sometimes he will even respond, "I forgot to get married."

Weisman, 49, surveyed 1,533 single men in their 40s or older to provide insight about men's feelings and to dispel myths that they hate women, are selfish or have a disdain for marriage.

He found that money plays a significant role as to why men choose not to commit.

Weisman says men in their 40s who are not doing well do not feel that they have anything to offer. Men who have done well are terrified about what a divorce could do to their finances.

Weisman says he also finds that men are terrified of choosing the wrong woman. He says men who have had the courage to make a different choice than the stereotype of settling down should be considered heroes.

"These single men hold marriage so high that they don't want to screw it up," he says.

Weisman, who admits that marriage means nothing to him, says more focus should be placed on relationships, whatever their legal status.

"The love between two people is what is important," he says.

Weisman's book also says that men don't think monogamy is in their nature, they believe that modern marriage is unrealistic and that some just prefer bachelorhood.

Co-Habitating Will Not Equal Marriage

While Weisman's book focuses on men 40 years old and over, Doc Love, a relationship expert and coach, said unmarried men of every age fall into two categories when it comes to commitment.

The first group is already in a relationship and may even be living with a girlfriend.

These men would say, "Why change? We get along. We are happy. We are not arguing," Doc Love says.

Doc Love adds that "when a girl moves in, there is no reason to commit to marriage, there's no incentive."

The other type of guy is the one against marriage.

He said men in this group have had "a buddy at work tell him that his wife is taking the house, the kids and half of (his) retirement."

Doc Love points out that age plays a big factor, because the older a man gets, the harder it will be for him to commit because he has gotten set in his ways.

"Older people don't want to get married because financial stuff is involved. She has her home, he has his property so he says, 'Let's just see each other a couple times a week,'" he says.

Doc Love, however, believes that getting a man to commit who belongs to the first group is based on the woman's behavior. About six months into a relationship and there have been no red flags, women should ask, "Where do you see this going?"

Additionally, he said a woman who wants to get married should work to raise a man's interest level.

"A woman's job is to get his interest level up into the 80s," he says, based on a scale of 1 to 100.

Doc Love did not have any specifics on how this should be done, but describes a woman capable of doing so.

"She should be honest, loyal and trustworthy," he says. "She should be a flexible giver and not a hard-headed taker."

Men Really Want To Commit?

Kim Sarrasin a relationship expert, said getting a man to commit depends a lot on the woman, too.

"If a really fun and attractive woman -- the cat's meow -- enters a man's life, he will commit," she said.

While what is found to be attractive varies for each man, Sarrasin says that women would be smart to heed her three tips if they are interested in walking down the aisle.

Her first tip is to be happy because men do not want to commit to a woman who is a "nightmare."

"If she is unhappy, complaining about her job, complaining about her looks early in the relationship, she's going to be unhappy later, and he is not going to be able to win," Sarrasin says, adding that men view relationships as a lose-or-win situation.

Sarrasin also says men cannot handle "emotionally heavy" women because men typically only experience two emotions -- grief and anger.

"Women are trained to be emotional," Sarrasin says. "Men don't know how to handle this."

She adds that women should reveal themselves slowly.

"Do the emotional outbursts with your girlfriends," she says.

The third tip is not to try to change him.

"Women are more open to change. Men are not," Sarrasin says. "We like change and growth. Women are master adaptors."

While there are men with intimacy issues, Sarrasin says that, for the most part, men want to commit.

"A man knows having a woman in his life is a good thing," she says.