Ask Carley: Miffed about someone else hosting the bridal shower


Q: I'm the maid of honor in my best friend's wedding, and I was excited to plan her wedding shower until I received an email from another bridesmaid. It announced that she'd already planned the bridal shower and that help from the other wedding attendants wasn't necessary as she has everything "under control." Do I talk to my friend about being blindsided by this wannabe MOH?

A: Though admittedly this situation is unusual, as maid of honor, it'll often be your job to grin and bear it. Yes, it's traditionally the MOH's prerogative to plan the shower, but, anyone can technically do it. That said, her email does push the limits of pleasantness.

Leave the bride out of it, since she has enough stress, and redirect your party-planning energy. Send an email to the bridesmaids saying you'll be in charge of the bachelorettes' or bridesmaids' outing. If she tries to butt in on your plans, thank her and explain that you've got everything "under control."

(Carley Roney, co-founder and editor in chief of The Knot, the nation's leading wedding resource, advises millions of brides on modern wedding etiquette at Got more questions? Visit for 800-plus answers on all things wedding.)

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