This has been, without a doubt, the worst week of my life. I really don't want to write about it, but I when I agreed to keep a journal, I agreed to report the bad with the good.

It began Tuesday with my fourth and final chemotherapy treatment. They found my white cell count was low, so they also gave me an injection of Nulasta -- the stuff which gets the bone marrow working overtime to produce more of the infection-fighting cells. The side effects of the injection were immediate, and harsh. The pain in my bones was excruciating, and only made worse when the pain from the chemo kicked in a day later.

The worst part this time was that I was never able to slip into a deep sleep to escape the misery. I'd doze, off-and-on during the day and evening, and awaken in the middle of the night. The sweats and chills continued, as did all of the other side effects I've previously described. Jenny would spend hours rubbing my head and aching muscles, but within a short time the pain would resume. My appetite came and went -- mostly went -- but at least the anti-nausea drugs prevented the food from going with it!

To encourage me, Jenny would read me your e-mails, and share your prayers and thoughts. While that did wonders for my spirits, it unfortunately couldn't sweep away my pain. But what kept me going was one of my favorite passages, Isaiah 40:31, which says, "Those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint."

So I keep "hoping in the Lord," that He will take this from me soon -- not just so that I'll "feel better," but so that I'll be able to turn my attention away from my little setback and toward others who are facing far worse trials than I am. During my battle, I have been able to establish contacts with some marvelous people who are involved in cancer-fighting in an ongoing and "up close and personal" way. They have been an added source of inspiration for me, and now it's time I started repaying their kindness by getting involved with their efforts -- and spending time with those who are on the losing side of this battle.

I don't know how much longer I'll be suffering these after-effects, but at least the chemotherapy is over! I go back Thursday for another blood count check. Then the recovery can begin in earnest -- and so can my "outreach." I fully expect the tone of my next journal entry to be much different than today's.

-Bill