Dear DoubleTake,
I have been in a friendship with a man for four years, and for past two years it turned into a "friends with benefits" friendship.
I've been in love with him since the beginning and he knows this, but he does not want a relationship with anyone.
We go on vacations together and I know he cares somewhat for me, but he also has five other friends with benefits. I know one of them, but she doesn't know about me.
Because I'm in love with him, I'm extremely jealous of his other friends. We have argued about this many times, and I always have to settle for what he has to offer. There's no compromising of any kind.
Also, we work together and so does one of his other friends.
What do I do? Should I end the friendship, as it's not going anywhere and only causes me misery and stress?

BETTY SAYS:

This type of guy is pretty typical: he dates half the community, yet the women he's with fall in love with him -- despite the circumstances -- because he appears to be caring and charming.

However, if he's been with you for years but is only willing to commit to an open sexual life when you want a monogamous one, let's just put this guy in the sleaze category so that you can feel confident in breaking up with him.

I'm sure you've weighed the health risks associated with being with someone who has multiple sexual partners. It's not worth putting your life on the line, no matter what your heart is telling you, if he's not using proper protection.

Once you're free of the misery, you can look back and know that you won't get stuck in that type of sordid relationship again.

EDDIE SAYS:

If calling this guy a jerk, a scumbag, a rake helps you get away from him, then do it. You already know the answer to your question: If a relationship brings mostly pain and you see no hope of it changing, leaving becomes the only move.

Will you have to leave your job? Maybe. It depends on how you feel once you get some distance. It's quite possible that after you break things off, you will feel much less attached to him. And, yes, that requires cutting back to the minimum amount of contact you can have, not trying to keep things the same except for the sex.

In the guy's defense... it sounds like he has been clear. Maybe a truly great man would be so kind and thoughtful that he would say, "No, for your own good, you must stay away from me!" That's asking too much. It sounds like he was honest about what he wanted and what he could give. You chose to ignore that, hoping it would change. It won't.

So it's up to you to adjust things.

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