Dear DoubleTake,
I am a 38-year-old female who looks nowhere near my age. I have been told many times the I look 25, but this is part of my curse! I have also had four beautiful children, three of which I had young and no longer have custody of, but I am lucky to see them every so often. Currently, I only have my son, who is 9.
I have been approached by guys from 22 to 25 years of age on a regular basis. Every once in a while, I get interest from a man my age or a couple of years younger. I have gone out with these younger men and completely love and enjoy it. I am very educated and now do counseling for a living, and I believe that we should live our lives to the fullest and not make judgments.
So when I dated my first young guy, against my better judgment I can say that I was close to falling in love. He was there with me in every way. I now prefer younger men, but once they find out my real age and how many children I had, they practically run.
Older men don't really attract me, and I feel like I'm in the right place with younger guys. I don't know how to explain my past and my other children. Do I need to? If I never say my age, the guys would have never have any idea.
Should I just live a lie?

BETTY SAYS:

Cougars are so in right now, so embrace your years and life experiences, honey. If you want to hold out for younger men, then that's your prerogative.

But you must be up front with these guys about your children, and you can't take it hard if that's a rejection point for them. Realize that most guys in their 20s don't have a lot in common with women who are almost 40. It's not that they don't like hot women who have sons and daughters; the thought of having a family before they’re ready freaks them out.

Be as open-minded and truthful as you can as you move forward in your dating life. Is it the looks department that's drawing you to the younger guys, or do you seek fleeting experiences that perhaps you feel you lost along the way? There are plenty of wonderful single dads out there who'd be happy to find someone like you to date.

EDDIE SAYS:

If you just want to date and have fun, then there's no reason to be explicit about this stuff, I suppose.

But if you want something deeper -- what most people would call a relationship -- then most people expect that you're going to divulge some of the highlights. You know... where you went to school? Ever been married? Had enough people to form a band come out of your body? That sort of thing.

When things go to another level, you will expect some disclosure from a guy. You don't want a surprise such as, "Oh, didn't I mention in our five years together that I spent some time in prison? Didn't think it would matter much."

Your past makes you who you are now. You can edit some or gloss over certain things, especially early on. But if you want more than the thrill of keeping things new, you have to be prepared to mention the major events in your life.

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Do you need a second -- and third -- opinion about a problem in your life? Ask Double Take and you'll get two points of view: one from Eddie, a married family man in his early 30s, and one from Betty, a single woman in her 20s.

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