Dear DoubleTake,
I have a question regarding gift giving. My sister-in-law likes to buy expensive presents for my parents and then asks me to share the expense. While I am grateful to have her do the shopping, I don't think the cost is being split fairly.
I say that everyone whose name appears on the gift should pay an equal share. However, she splits the cost 50-50. She and my brother pay half, and I alone pay half.
If we were all going out to dinner, I doubt that anyone would agree that this "per couple" share is rational. Are the rules of etiquette any different for a gift?

BETTY SAYS:

Giving gifts isn't about the money split. It's about giving an item if you feel like giving it.

I'm with you. Tell her, "I'm just going to do my own thing this year."

What she's pushing on you certainly isn't fair. If it were a group dinner date, you would pay for yourself and not two people. If you put money in on past gifts to your parents that she bought, your name should have been on those cards.

It's OK to say no to your sister-in-law's expectations. But prepare yourself for a fight if you do, because she won't be pleased.

Then again, time costs money. If you're a busy person, you may want to just cough up the cash if you think it would make your life easier. The holidays are a hectic time for families and in the stores, and not going to the mall for vanilla-scented candles may sound like a lovely idea to you.

EDDIE SAYS:

You're both right about how it works for dinner. But I say the situation changes for a gift, and it makes sense to split it based on the "family units" giving it. (That's too technical a term, but I'm sure you know what I mean.)

Look at it this way: If your brother and sister had two kids and wanted to put their names on the gift, you wouldn't say, "Ha! Now you have to pay four-fifths, suckers!"

At least, I hope not.

So, I think the way your sister-in-law wants to handle the money should work. But, as Betty says, this is easy enough. Mention to your sister you're not sure it's fair. Maybe she'll agree. Maybe not. Either way, you're a big boy who can look up online coupon codes as well as anyone else.

And, that way your mom gets two gifts, so she comes out ahead.

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